Steps of a process to eliminate the beliefs

Step 1: What is the belief?
Mistakes and failure are bad.
Step 2: What is the source of the belief? What happened (usually before the age of six if it’s a self-esteem belief) that led to this belief being formed?
Mom and dad were critical of me when I didn’t do what they wanted, when they wanted, or the way they wanted. They said things like: “Can’t you do anything right?” “When are you going to learn?” Sometimes they’d just look and sound disappointed and sometimes they got angry and yelled.
Step 3: Can you see that, although the meaning you gave the events (your belief) is one logically valid interpretation, there are three of four others? Name a few other possible meanings for my behavior and mom and dad’s reaction to it.
Mom and dad’s annoyance at me when I didn’t live up to their expectations could have several meanings: Mom and dad thought mistakes and failure were bad, but they were wrong. Mistakes and failure were bad in my house; they might not have been bad in other households. Mom and dad didn’t understand that mistakes and failure can be great learning experiences and aren’t bad at all. Mom and dad got annoyed at me, not because mistakes and failure are bad, but because they had unreasonable expectations of me as a young child.
Step 4: After helping find several other interpretations, ask: Can you see that your interpretation (your belief) is not the truth, it is only a truth, one possible interpretation of several that explain the events? The answer usually will be, yes.
Yes. It is only a truth.
Step 5: Imagine being present during the earlier events where your belief was formed. Doesn’t it seem as if you can see [the words of the belief]? The answer usually will be, yes.
I did see it.
Step 6. Can you really “see” [the words of the belief]? If you can really “see” it, tell me what it looks like, the shape, color, and location?
I can’t see it. The belief was only in my mind, not in the world.
Step 7. Can you get that, although there certainly were consequences of mom and dad’s comments and behavior, it had no meaning? In other words, you don’t know anything for sure about mistakes and failure merely from how your parents responded to your behavior as a child, do you?
No, I don’t. The childhood events have no inherent meaning. Only the meaning I gave them.
Step 8. Say the words of the belief. … Does this statement still feel like the truth? The answer usually will be, no.
The belief is gone.

(This is a modified version of the Lefkoe Belief Process, which is © 1985 Morty Lefkoe)